Funny Answers

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Funny Soccer

Career Path

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"

The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop."

"Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi.

"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an Arch Bishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously.

"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"

"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal", said the priest. "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi.

Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but..."

So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?"

"What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!" The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it."

Son's Pray

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

Entry and Exit

DURING the course of an interview of the students of an international business course, the professor asked one student: 'I read in the newspapers about Exit Policy. What is it all about?'

Student very confidently replied: 'Sir, it is not Exit Policy. You got it wrong. Perhaps it is printer's devil. It is Exim Policy'

The professor repeated the question to another student.

The student promptly replied: 'Sir, it is related to leaving the examination hall by a student in the overall educational policy.'

The professor repeated the question to another student.

The student exhibited a cleverer disposition. 'Sir, as for common sense, there cannot be an exit policy without there being an entrance policy. It is, therefore, necessary to have clearer entrance and exit policies in the country in all walks of life.'

The professor thereafter stopped asking that question.

Freshmen Vs. Seniors

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.

Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has own personal workstation.

Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.

Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm

Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night
Senior: Calls Domino's every other night

Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors
Senior: Is appalled that the campus 'Subway' burned down over the summer

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night

Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house

Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class

Little Johny's Homework

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

MEASURING SKILLS

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist were standing around the college flagpole when an English professor happened by. 'What are you doing?' he asked.

'We need to know the height of the flagpole,' explained the engineer, 'and we're discussing the various formulas we might use to calculate it.'

Stunned, the English professor proceeded to pull the pole from its fitting, laid it on the ground, borrowed a tape measure, and announced, 'Twenty-four feet exactly.' He put the pole back where it had been and walked away.

'English professors!' sneered the mathematician. 'We ask him for the height and he gives us the length.