Confusing English....

Now i know why i failed in english.
It's not my fault but the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple...
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people
recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
How can 'slim chance and a fat chance' be the same, while ' wise man and a wise guy' are opposites?
Consider the following sentenses...
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
They were too close to the door to close it.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

The Cow:

Essay on the cow

"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is female, he give milk,but will do so when he is got child. He is same likeGod,sacred to Hindus and useful to man.But he has got four legs together.Two are forward and two are afterwards.

"His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

"His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species.Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

"His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.

"He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side.This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so.

"This is the cow."

Desi Wife!

5' 6" jiski height ho,

Jeans jiski tight ho,

Chehara jiska bright ho,

Umar 20 se 22 ho,

Aise apni Wife ho.

Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,

Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,

America, Calcutta ya Jamshedpur paidaish ho,