Stupid Signs

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE
50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT
AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED...
OPEN TOMORROW.

Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH:
IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND.
ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED.
BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.....

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR
MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF..

The Cow:

Essay on the cow

"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is female, he give milk,but will do so when he is got child. He is same likeGod,sacred to Hindus and useful to man.But he has got four legs together.Two are forward and two are afterwards.

"His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

"His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species.Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating.Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

"His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards.

"He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side.This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so.

"This is the cow."

Business Style love letter

Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense acount.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo

Ajeet jokes..

Robert: Boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain. Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge. Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss"..... Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye.. Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter.... Raabert: boss or doosre ka ? Ajeet: Repeater Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss? Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega. Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss? Ajeet: Peter! Is ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein ticket dete-dete thak jayega Peter: Boss is ka kya karen ? Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega ! Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek (headache) ho raha hai. Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padega.!

Retarded Karate..

Wife 1.0

To: TechNICAL Support

Dear Sir,

Last year I upgraded my system from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began creating problems within the system processing and that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 2.3, Girlfriend 3.2 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the entire system whenever selected:(

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while running my other favorite applications. Whichever module or software I enter, only Wife 1.0 seems to run and nothing else.

Desi Wife!

5' 6" jiski height ho,

Jeans jiski tight ho,

Chehara jiska bright ho,

Umar 20 se 22 ho,

Aise apni Wife ho.

Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,

Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,

America, Calcutta ya Jamshedpur paidaish ho,

Computer comedy

Great Inventions which were rejected

1. Non stick Cellotape
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters

21.Screen window for a submarine

22.Helicopter with an injection seat

23.Inflatable dart board

24.A tape on how to put together a vcr

25.The water proof tea bag

26.Water proof towel

27.A book on how to read

28.A dictionary index

29.Powdered water

30.Pedal-powered wheel chair

Aunty's letter

Dear Sanju baba,

I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the House numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

CHINESE HUMOR

Translation - English to Chinese

That's not right - Sum Ting Wong

Stupid Man - Dum Gai

Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni

It's very dark in here. - Wai So Dim?

Please stay a while longer. - Wai Go Nao?

You are not very bright. - Yu So Dum

They have arrived. - Hia Dei Kum

Our meeting was scheduled for next week. -Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Your body odor is offensive. - Yu Stin Ki Pu

Best actor..

Every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb.

NEWTON'S THIRD LAW STATES: "Every Action has an equal and an opposite reaction..."
Similarly, every proverb has an equal and an opposite proverb! There always exist two sides of the same coin!

All good things come to those who wait
BUT
Time and tide wait for none.

The pen is mightier than the sword.
BUT
Actions speak louder than words.

Wise men think alike.
BUT
Fools seldom differ.

Funny commercial

Funny commercial

A collection of insults!

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.

Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.

I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.

They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

Strangest Haircuts...

Quotes...

-There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
-Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
-Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
-I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
-There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
-He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
-If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
-My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
-Press any key to continue - where's the any key?
-I hope I didn't brain my damage.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
-If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

-I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

-I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

-I never said most of the things I said.

-I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

-I spent a year in that town one Sunday.

-If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

-If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

-If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

-Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

-Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

-My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

-Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.

-Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

-TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

-Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.

-We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

-When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

-Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

-Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.

-Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

-Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender.

-Eternity is really long, especially near the end

-Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

-Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times.

-Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

-He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

-He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

-I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

-I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

-I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

-I just love Chinese food. My favourite dish is number 27.

-I love everything about you. Your lips, your eyes, your voice. The only thing I can't stand is you.

-I love mankind. It's people I can't stand.

-If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

-If it sells, it's art.

-In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

-In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

-My ex-husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

-She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

-Thank God I'm an atheist.

-The Americans will always do the right thing . . . After they've exhausted all the alternatives.

-They misunderestimated me.

-When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

Must watch..

Amazing accidents....

Funny pics

Public Speaking

Recently our speaker had to discontinue several of his long talks on account of his throat. Several people threatened to cut it.

---

You have heard it said before that this speaker needs no introduction. Well, I have heard him and he needs all the introduction he can get.

---

Our speaker needs no introduction. What he needs is a conclusion.

---

Our speaker will not bore you with a long speech...he can do it with a short one.

---

You've been a wonderful audience...you stayed.

Student Proverbs

Student Proverbs A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. As you shall make your bed so shall you..........mess it up. Better be safe than......................punch a 5th grader. Strike while the ..............................bug is close. It's always darkest before............daylight savings time. You can lead a horse to water but.......................how? Don't bite the hand that........................looks dirty. A miss is as good as a...................................Mr. You can't teach an old dog new.........................math. If you lie down with the dogs, you'll..stink in the morning. The pen is mightier than the...........................pigs. An idle mind is.......................the best way to relax. Where there's smoke, there's......................pollution. Happy the bride who...................gets all the presents. A penny saved is...................................not much. Two's company, three's.......................the musketeers. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and......... .................you have to blow your nose. Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded. When the blind leadeth the blind.........get out of the way.

Great to be a woman

Reason's why it's great to be a woman

Free drinks.
Free dinners.
Free movies.
Speeding ticket? What's that?
New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
You can sleep your way to the top.
You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
Brad Pitt.
No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
You have the ability to dress yourself.
If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
You can quickly end any fight by crying.
Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems.
You've never had a goatee.
You'll never regret piercing your ears.
You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.

Signs and notices

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family. It's the law."

Seen while traveling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"

At an Applebee's restaraunt: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"

Fitness Center sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."

In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"

A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."

On a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.'

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): 'Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice'

A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let's see who can go downhill the fastest.

Sign in King's Canyon in California. 'Slow Parking Ahead'

A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads:' Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!!'

Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.

Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot"

"Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."

I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.

A man's translations

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

Improve writing

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

Residency application

Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob
(last) (_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Un-employed

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______

Father's Name: _______(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade
completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ______ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:



Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know