-Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
-Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
-I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
-There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
-He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
-If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
-My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
-Press any key to continue - where's the any key?
-I hope I didn't brain my damage.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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