-If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
-I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
-I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-I never said most of the things I said.
-I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
-I spent a year in that town one Sunday.
-If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
-If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
-If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
-If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
-Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.
-Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
-My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
-Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.
-Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
-Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about
the universe.
-We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
-When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
-Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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