-Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning
-Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
-Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
-I can resist everything except temptation.
-To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times.
-42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
-Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
-Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering
-Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore ...
-All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
-Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't
-USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough
-Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem
-Operator! Give me the number for 911
-Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
-There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't
-Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
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